Hostile Work Environment – The Vacuum Cleaner


There comes a time in a man’s life where the vacuum cleaner does more than suck dirt from the floor.  It repels assholes.

The older we get, the more we need to find HR compliant ways to say, “FUCK YOU”.  You can be fired for telling an asshole to go fuck him or her self.  Your best defense is to be as annoying as you can.  You cannot get fired for being annoying.  OCD is a legit reason to run the vacuum every time you want the fuck tards out of your office.  Vacuums are loud and annoying.  Most people bail because you stir up dust.  Even better, fuck up your efforts in vacuuming and spill the contents around on the floor.  You could even vacuum the ceiling. I do.

People get it.  You want them gone and in most cases, they leave.  You’ll find these people will talk shit on you, but you’ve won the war.  You train them to leave when they see you going for the vacuum.  Running the vacuum is another way to say fuck you when they think you’re lazy.  You can make comments such as, “I don’t want to be lazy, so I’m cleaning this dirty floor.”

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